I'm having a sick day. and I feel like I could sleep for a hundred years and still feel unrested.
Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the simplest task seem so hard. The future tonight feels daunting. The big things, going back to school. Will I be able to achieve this? (i know i can, and I will, but I also get nervous about the inevitable bumps in the road, what will these bumps look like? Will they knock me out? Am I overthinking something that might not even happen...you see the dangerous trend of these thoughts).
I also think of the closer future. Will I be ok at that musical concert this weekend? Will I have a moment of panic where I can't find a bathroom? Will I feel too sick and have to go home? But then I think of how I went to an annual cottage weekend and compared it to last year. Last year I left early, and was just so sick I found it hard to participate. This past weekend was great. I resisted the luxury of alcohol, ate my own food, took my meds, and had an amazing time.
I just need to set enough precedented good trips to outweigh my bad ones. And on a Wednesday night when I'm home alone with out AC it seems a lot but I'm trying to stay positive. Which is why i started this blog in the first place.
Having IBD can feel isolating, debilitating, frustrating and downright depressing, but these feelings pass. In the long run, having IBD has helped me to become more resilient, more balanced, and more determined. IBD has given me many skills. It has made me strong in more ways that it has made me ‘weak’. I believe these strengths will be transferable skills to the challenges that will come in school, and in my career. I know my IBD means my future may not hold a traditional path, and that there are still obstacles ahead, but overall I look forward to my future. I hope that others who have been diagnosed can see that it is possible to achieve a life that is challenging and stimulating, and that their disease won’t slow them down.
Stay Gutsy
xo
TEGAN