Hello World!
I know, what the heck?! You write a blog post staying “You’re Back” and then don’t write for ALMOST A YEAR! My mouth seriously dropped when I saw that the date of my last post was November 2015. NOVEMBER 2015! It’s now September 2016.
To be honest, at first I lost momentum. And then of all things, I started healing (CHEER) AND THEN I just didn’t take the time to keep writing.
But here I am again, giving this blog another stab, because the battle is not over and I still have so many funny stories to share!
On that note.
I found this lengthy post that I wrote in May 2016 (I think...) and I want to post it because I think it’s relevant to September. September: The month when summer ends and the hardships of reality seem to kick in.
So thanks for being patient with me, and here is my almost forgotten post:
Patience:
I want to say something outlandish like “my entire generation has a problem with patience” but I don’t REALLY believe that so I’ll just say, “I have a problem with patience”. I believe a large part is due to social media. It’s like every time I log on to Facebook it’s, “Look at me, I have a kick ass job, I eat vegetables AND they taste good, I make it to yoga four times a week, and in my spare time I help those less fortunate, AND I even find the time to call my mom when I’m not totally stressed out of my mind”. These are by no means BAD things. They are good things, GREAT things. I don’t judge, because I, by simply having this blog, am apart of the great complexity of social media. I think it’s good to share your achievements, post photos of your friends, your travels, your burnt home made pizza. I do these things. But I also experience impatience with my own life while browsing my friend’s pages.
I do have a cool job. People tell me I have a cool job. And yet there are times I find myself thinking – I am not moving fast enough. I need to be looking for my next step. And then other days I feel totally stressed out and incapable of performing my task to a suitable degree. For instance the other day I was on a friends FB page and they were apart of this really cool theatre project. I’ve always wanted to be a part of the theatre community and yet I haven’t even seen any of the shows I’ve wanted to see. This led me into a spiral of not being ‘enough’. I hadn’t done enough. I was pathetic, I needed to start moving towards my goals, and start moving towards them NOW. That mind set does not work for me. It just left me wigged out and kind of scared to step towards the theatre community at all.
This urgency transcends to other parts of my life. I should go to that out door cross fit class that Kathy goes to. I should have been at that patio last Sunday instead of re-watching Nashville. I need to be working on me, on my ‘person’. I need to be reading more influential books, and networking, and lending my time to charities I want to be apart of.
Then I blame my body. If I felt better I would be able to do these things. I would feel well enough to go out, participate, have the energy I use to have.
I also feel a new urgency. An urgency for answers. An urgency for my body to get it’s act together. An urgency to get a diagnosis. An urgency to get treatment. An urgency to get better. And I still don’t know what the hell is happening.
Obviously when I am in a calm head space I am aware of the fact that everyone feels like this at times. Sick or not. And so I have taken up the art of ‘Self Talk’.
Every day I tell myself:
“Be patient.” Be patient with your body. I am seeing great Dr. I have a support system. Answers are coming. You taking action by changing your diet. You are informing yourself on new information that will help you heal. Be patient. The tides will change. The answers will come. They may not be the answers I want, but they are answers and they will come. I also have to be patient that my body is going to heal itself. It’s not easy, and that’s why I say, out loud, “Be Patient”.
And you know what?
It’s working.
Today I got a cool project to be apart of at work.
With some new meds my stomach has calmed way down and I am no longer scared that I'm going to be on permanent sick leave for life.
I find myself being more confident in choosing to stay home than go out. And when I do go out I’m so pumped to be there I always have a good time.
I am more comfortable with saying no. I’ve said no to a camping trip, a few cottage weekends, and a trip to wonderland. I love all these things. But right now my body is so finickity that those situations could end up being so miserable that I just should avoid them all together and stick to activities that are in ‘safe zones’ for me. A few months ago I would have told you this was ‘weakness’. That I was being ‘lame’. But now. Who cares?! Not Me! I’ve had more fun being my version of lame than I was being my version of ‘strong’. I mean they lead me to some funny blog posts, but they weren’t very fun. And by having patience with myself and my body I am able to make these choices. It's ok to relax. It's ok to give your body time to heal. In a fast paced world, it's ok to take time for yourself. After all, health is a prime building block in our lives and it's important to pay attention to it!
You get the point. This post was a bit more girl guide but I think it’s apart of the universal existence of growing up and I wanted to share.
Stay Gutsy
-Tegan
